Not getting the gains you were hoping for? Girlfriend leave you for a vegan? Dog eat your Pre-workout? No sweat broham, the Swole Patrol is here to lend an ear and get you back in the gym ASAP.

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Alpha Male FTS

This meathead turned guru has been pursing swole and wisdom longer than most TikTokkers have been alive. After collecting every gym rat honor known to man, he now spreads the gospel of iron through his thought-provoking articles. When he’s not benching small children or implementing advanced supplementation strategies on himself, you’ll find him harassing newbies into submission with his ruthless motivational tactics.

Tired of the same old bro-science techniques that never seem to deliver?

Say goodbye to “Trust me bro you just need to lift heavier” advice and hello to actual evidence-based training protocols. We tapped the world’s top exercise physiologists and may have thrown in a few jokes to keep things interesting.

Ready to undergo our revolutionary “Dad Bod to Rad Bod” transformation system? Phase 1 involves cutting out carbs (ripe avocados only), sleep wrestling bears every night, and adopting a wolf cub.* Phase 2 is top secret but trust us – after 8 weeks even your Tinder matches won’t recognize you.